Three Steps to Avoid Internalizing a Disempowering Message

By: Jamie Martin

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been hearing a lot of women talking about not being enough for one reason or another. Sometimes it is a case of stepping into the unknown of the job search. Sometimes it is a case of being overwhelmed with everything on her plate.

As a result, I wanted to reach any woman who is not feeling enough, to let her know that she is ENOUGH, and to give her ways to recenter her self-worth and resources to reinforce the message.

This has lead me to writing the statements: “I am not enough,” “I am not valuable,” and “I am not worthy,” over and over again. Quite contrary to what most people want to be repeating to themselves.

This made me wonder: What steps can I take to ensure that I don’t undo the work I’ve done to realize I am enough, while reaching out to those who are struggling on the not-enough journey?

So, I decided to go back to the basics.

Step #1.

Let that part of me have a voice. Give it space to be listened to, be patient, and ask it what it needs. Sit in the stillness until I get an answer and provide it what it needs.

Sometimes this has meant letting that voice know that it’s okay to still be scared or have lingering doubts. Sometimes it has meant letting that voice scream and shout at me because it is angry. Sometimes this has meant letting the voice just speak all of its fears and doubts. Letting it all out.

Whatever the voice needs, I am willing and ready to give it what it needs.

[Related: Dealing with Your Inner Critic — Handling the Tough Self-Conversations]

Step #2.

The pieces of me that are central to who I am as a person. The elements that are unchanged by circumstance or experiences. For me, the words that allow me to connect to my core are harmony, passion, leader, generosity, and depth.

When connecting to this core, I am able to see my value and worth in a way that is stronger than anything that brings doubt to my mind. They are unshakable elements to who I am.

I find myself at a level of calm that allows me to move forward from a place of strength versus fear and doubt.

[Related: Self-Sabotage No More — Part I: Connecting With Your Inner Voice]

Step #3.

I love using the Calm App’s version of this. It allows me to practice being gentle and positively acknowledge who I am and to expand beyond self-love to also practice loving kindness to those around me who I love and who challenge me.

I come out of a meditation like this fully connected to my core and the bright energy that I embody. The part of me that has doubts is calmer and willing to take the backseat in my head.

Each of these steps has allowed me to recenter and not get trapped by the repetition in my messaging. I’ve found a clarity in these practices and a renewed sense of self.

There are many places you can use these steps yourself. Just a few include:

  • When you hear a voice in your head telling you, “You are not enough.”
  • When you find yourself repeating messages over and over again for your audience and you don’t want to ingrain them in your own head.
  • When imposter syndrome starts to set in.

Give these steps a try!

[Related: How to Reignite Your Personal Power and Branding]

Jamie Martin is a life and leadership coach who helps women who have been going and going and going for so long that they feel like they’ve lost themselves. She helps her clients give themselves permission to put themselves first, create a plan, and go after their dreams.

Originally published at

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