Dismantling the Walls of Self Protection

  1. You create stories vs. stick with the facts.
  2. You deflect conversations and questions about you.
  3. You rarely, if ever, take support when it is offered.
  4. You say to others often, “I don’t want to talk about it.”
  5. You’re in your head all the time.
  6. You feel lonely most of the time.
  7. You give people space — even when they haven’t asked.
  8. You think in binaries: “You’re with me or against me.”
  9. You’ve stopped dreaming about what you want in life.
  10. You wear doing things on your own as a badge of honor.
  11. You talk about emotional things void of any emotion.
  12. You say no to invitations.
  13. You seek proof for your narrative vs. being curious.
  14. You stopped getting invitations to hang out.
  15. You create stories vs. stick with the facts.

1) Release the pain.

Allow yourself the opportunity to truly feel your hurt and pain. Listen to me on this, please! This is EVERYTHING. A big reason why we get stuck behind our walls is because we are too afraid to feel the emotions of the hurt of the past.

2) Separate fact from fiction.

When our inner critics are running the show and helping us to build those big thick walls, it’s often because they are telling us a story that isn’t actually true.

  • Are these feelings coming from past experiences, or from the present situation and people involved?
  • What do I absolutely know for sure?
  • What stories am I telling myself about this situation?
  • What evidence do I have?

3) Imagine the possibilities.

There is a difference between knowing what you want and being unattached to what it actually looks like. For example, I can know that I want to feel good on my birthday, but how that comes to fruition can look 1,000 different ways. If I’m attached to one way for that to come to me, then I’m not really allowing for possibilities that could be even better than I imagine.

4) Pass the baton from your head to your heart.

By now, you are probably catching the drift that when we build walls, it’s usually because our monkey mind is running the show. I’m in a constant practice of passing the master controller from my head to my heart. It takes effort for me to go from living from a place of having to “figure it all out” to honoring what my heart is telling me. Here’s an example of what this could look like:

5) Have honest conversations.

I spent a lot of my life thinking that other people knew what was going on in my heart and that they just didn’t care. I mean, is it not OBVIOUS what my desires are? Is it not so incredibly CLEAR what I need from you?

6) Take small risks.

Taking small risks is about practicing being vulnerable in situations where there aren’t huge stakes involved. Taking small risks is about putting a little bit of faith and trust back in YOURSELF to honor what you want and in OTHERS to honor that not all people will disappoint you.

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